Why is it that every toddler learns to say “no” before they even say their own name?
Every toddler begins to learn “no” as a part of developing their own independence and personality around the age of 2. It might not be what you want to read, but it’s actually a good thing as toddlers are learning to develop their own free will and beginning to realise that their desires aren’t always the same as their parents.
Continue reading to discover our top 5 tips to help children communicate effectively with you.
1. Offer Two Choices
By presenting two choices, it enables a child to select from two choices (both which are suitable to you as a parent). For example, instead of telling a child it’s time to leave a playground, ask if they want to leave now, or spend five more minutes playing and then leave. Giving children this choice makes them feel they do have some power over the situation, changing the normal dynamic where they get frustrated because nothing is under their control.
2. Give children a 5-minute warning
Another tactic is to be very clear about what is expected, and when. Don’t tell a child they need to go to bed now. Tell them that in five minutes they need to put away their toys, get changed, read two books, and then go to bed. While this large number of things may be hard for them to remember, at least they know what they need to do next. It’s also important to include something rewarding in the mix—in this case, reading together. Making sure there is something to look forward to reduce the risk of frustration with having to stop doing something they are enjoying.
3. Take a Breather
When the opportunity arises, parents should also be willing to take a time-out when children begin disagreeing. Sometimes, children just need a moment to cool down and stop reacting. Other times, the fight just isn’t worth fighting. Of course, this approach doesn’t work in public situations or when there is an urgent safety or health concern. For times at home though, this brief time-out not only gives the child a chance to calm down and be more receptive, but also gives the parents the opportunity to take a pause and make sure they are reacting the way they want to.
4. Create Diversions
All parents learn early on that distractions are also a great way to ensure a moment of calm. Distractions are great ways to avert the “no” too. Bring along favourite toys, books and siblings to offer up when times get tough. Dangling something shiny or jingly might just be enough to get their attention long enough to prevent the eternal string of “no”s (especially when out in public).
5. Try Saying ‘Yes’
Lastly, parents can attempt to minimise the use of “no” and discourage it by preventing their own usage of it, especially to children. Telling children “no” when they want something only teaches them that saying it is acceptable. Instead of saying “no” the next time they chase the dogs tail, tell them “We pet the dog gently (and demonstrate)”.
Children need to be told what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour, but giving choices and positive direction is just as effective as saying no, and has the benefit of teaching them not to default to it either.
A major reason why the “terrible twos” are challenging is that children begin to find their own independence and opinions. This is good in the long term, since they need to establish and refine this in order to become healthy functioning adults. Stay one step ahead by anticipating what prompts a string of “no”s and using the right tactics.
‘There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one’.
